Dear Co-Ed in the Womens' Bathroom at the Campus Bar:

Why, yes, this is a Wonder Woman shirt I'm wearing. It appears that you've had enough to drink to enable some audible commentary on strangers' fashion choices while waiting in line to pee.  Guess what?!  So have I.

First, while I recognize that it's spring and May, it's also 40 degrees outside. Midriffs aren't necessary. You know who doesn't wear midriff shirts? Me...because I shouldn't.  You know who else shouldn't?  You...because it draws drunken frat boys to you.  Oh, that's what you want?  Alright then, enjoy the joyless sex and lingering "gift" he gives you.

Second, if you're going to wear three pounds of make up and reapply it in the festering bathroom, at least be kind enough to not draw weird Lady Gaga-like cat eyes. It makes you look desperate and draws drunken frat boys. Oh right, nevermind.

Bottom line is this: the last time I was in this bar, you weren't enrolled in a formal educational system because you were too busy focusing on figuring out how to best potty in the big girl potty.  I have had just enough Killians to use my considerable wit to make you cry in a corner. Do not make me cut you emotionally while wearing my awesome Wonder Woman T-shirt.

*smooches* Jenn