Dear Driver in Front of Me:

I know you think you're cool and weird to have 7 skulls in your back window.

However...you're still driving a candy apple red Toyota Corolla.

Just sayin'.

*smooches* Jenn

Guest Smooches!!

Another guest post to the *smooches* blog!  Please to enjoy JCE's recent FB status:

Dear Girl at Work in Stilettos at 8:00 a.m.:

1. If you cannot walk in heels, you should not wear them until you have practiced enough that you can.
2. This is your place of employment, not a bar.
3. It is 8:00 a.m. Who do you think you are going to impress by wearing those shoes? The 80 year old men who are the only ones up and shopping this early?
4. Just watching you shuffle instead of walking makes me want to punch you in the throat just for being an idiot!

Smooches,

JCE

Dear Pushy Salesmen:

I'm so sorry if I wasn't polite to you at the end of our for-lack-of-a-better-word conversation.  You see, my 18 month old son is sick, and I'd just gotten him to take a nap. Your aggressive pounding on my door not only almost woke him up and made me jump out of my skin, but also frightened my tiny daughter who was actually eating for once in her damn life.


Yes, I'm aware that you can regulate the price per therm on my gas bill, but I've not done enough research to see if 1) it's worth it or 2) you're a scam.  But your being relentless about my making a decision while you're standing on my front porch is gonna piss me off...

Oh, also, have you met MY DOGS?

Well trained cuteness.

Why, yes, they are "large canines."  And I totally did just say, "They won't bite you unless I tell them to."

Forgive me if I'm impolite...but if you stay on my porch any longer, I'm going to let them investigate you.

*smooches* Jenn

Dear Mariah Carey:

Keep you infantile skank ass out of my holiday music. I don't give a shit what or who you want for Christmas.

We all know you're getting a glittery butterfly purse.

*smooches* Jenn

No One Knows What My Degree Will Mean

So, while I was seeing the neurologist today, he was taking my history. I told him I was working on my Ph.D. This exchange followed:

Him: So, what are you getting your Ph.D in?
Me: Composition and Rhetoric
Him: *blankstare*
Me: Writing.
Him: OH! You want to be a writer?
Me: No...
Him: You want to be a reporter?
Me: NO. I study how writing and technology work together.
Him: *blankstare*

Dear Orange Marmalade:

Remember that time that I said I loved you?

Well, it seems that I love you more and more each day.

How, how?, have I lived so long without you?!?

*smooches* Jenn

Birds

BIRDS. All the birds.

Sarah and I were driving home from the ICEA conference and stopped for Chinese today. We were both pretty slap happy. Then we saw all these birds.

Then this conversation happened as we sat in the car watching all the birds:

Me: *deadpan* I just hate birds so much.

Sarah: (this is paraphrasing as I was too busy watching the birds and hating them to really know what she said) Holy FUCK! That's a lot of birds! 

Me: *deadpan* I just hate birds so much.

Sarah: It's like the sky is pooping out birds!

At that point, we realized we sounded like a movie, and in the fashion of people who stayed up too late preparing for a conference and beginning to come down off the high of conference presentation, we cackled like crazy people.