GUEST SMOOCHES!

Today, I would like to provide you with a guest post to the *smooches* blog.  Please give a grand welcome to JCE's recent FB status:

Dear student in the skin tight white pants,

Labor day was four weeks ago. I can see your underwear, or lack there of because your pants are so tight. The 80s ended two decades ago. You're lucky I can practice restraint.

*smooches* JCE

Dear Birthday Cake and Blue Bell Ice Cream:

QUIT TAUNTING ME! I deny you once. I deny you twice! I DENY YOU THREE TIMES!  

Why must you be so delicious and so close to my recliner?!

I hate you. If you had a neck I'd punch it. Where's my spoon?

*smooches* Jenn

Dear Sons of Anarchy:

As I watch your AWESOME show, I realize more and more that I'm quite fit to be an old lady. These are things that Gemma has done/said that I get:

From coldangrybed.com

1. "God wants me to be a fierce mother. That's my path."
2. She just wants to have a nice, sit down family dinner.
3. She'll hit a bitch IN THE FACE with a SKATEBOARD for sleeping with her man.
4. After going to jail for said assault, she will SCREAM at her husband in the precinct for shaming her.
5. Clay, her husband, refers to her as "my queen." *side note* I've given Sean permission to do the same.

I'm only nearing the end of season 2...but I feel ya, SoA.

*smooches* Jenn

Dear GeekSquad:

Your first strike was not calling me when the backup that I paid for needed additional approval, meaning that my laptop was held hostage longer than necessary.

Your second strike was getting my computer back from GeekSquad City and not calling me to let me know my computer was ready.

Your third strike is not following protocol and returning my laptop without booting it up, and thus returning it to me without an effing OS.

Seriously, I'm so mad I could punch babies...or GeekSquad employees. Wait, yeah, GeekSquad employees, I think I may have to punch you in the throat so hard you'll talk like a fast food drive thru box from an 80s movie for the rest of your miserable lives.

*smooches* Jenn

PS: Supereffingsuckit!

Dear An American Tail:

It's amazing that after all these years, you can still choke me up. I choose to ignore your horrible stereotypes and instead sob like a little girl.

Somewhere out there, indeed.

*actualsmooches*  Jenn

Dear The Blind Side:

Stop making me cry like a hormonal beyotch.

*smooches* Jenn

Dear Spider Who Lived in My Basement:

That's right. I effing killed you.  I know you think that you and your 10,000 friends really enjoy living in my basement. I know it's dark and offers many places for you all to live. But I SWEAR TO EFFING GOD, I will kill every freaking last one of you. 

I won't hunt you down...but if you're dumb enough to stand in front of me, I'll have Sean give me a flip flop and I'll BEAT YOU UNTIL YOU ARE DEAD.

And I'll leave your nasty carcass out so your stupid effing spider friends will KNOW and FEAR me.

*smooches motherfucker*  Jenn